Incredible Adventures of Rorschach and Nite Owl!
by AutumnsRose45
Summary: Imitation of old cartoon shows! Rorschach and Nite Owl are now suitable for the kids! Librarians, Tom Cruise, and beans all have their place here. Rated T for drug references! Don't even ask how this happened! Random and silly, OOCness.


**Please no one flame me for this! I was at work and I had such an insane image of Rorschach and Nite Owl in 'suitable for children' mode that I had to put it into writing. It is quite silly.**

**I'd like to point out that I CAN write better than this! I am just attempting to imitate a children's story or TV programme. Simple and light! Which as you all know, is quite the opposite to Watchmen! Anyway, comments appreciated!**

**

* * *

**

One Tuesday morning, Nite Owl was busy cooking beans for his best friend and crime fighting partner, Rorschach.

"Hurm." Said Rorschach. "Can eat cold."

Nite Owl laughed. "Now now, Rorschach. We all know that eating warm beans is both delicious and nutritious!"

Suddenly, a loud ringing sound shrieked about the room.

"Golly!" Shouted Nite Owl. "The President needs us! Quick Rorschach, to the Archie-mobile!"

The pair raced to Nite Owl's hidden lair, leapt dynamically into the owl-ship, fastened their seatbelts, and zoomed off to the White House.

Nite Owl leant over the controls, humming the Mission Impossible theme to himself. He shut up when Rorschach's inkblots settled into a frown. He'd forgotten Rorschach had been wary of Tom Cruise ever since the celebrity had attempted to destroy the world using a giant squid.

Quickly, they reached the President's home, and the duo leapt through an open window, into the President's office, where he sat behind his desk. He immediately looked relieved as Nite Owl stood straight, hands on hips, and boomed: "Mr. President! Never Fear! Nite Owl and Rorschach are here!" Under his mask, Rorschach rolled his eyes.

"Thank Heavens!" Gasped the President, wiping sweat from his brow. "America needs your help! The FBI have uncovered a dastardly plot to enslave all the children into becoming small time drug dealers!"

"What a villainous act! But who could be so insane to do such a thing?" Nite Owl exclaimed.

"Hurm. Big Figure," Rorschach growled.

"Exactly right, Mr Rorschach," nodded the President. "We're depending on you to save the children of America!"

And with that, America's leader spun around in his high backed armchair, leaving the two heroes to let themselves out.

***

Nite Owl quickly flew the Archie-mobile to a Primary school nearby.

"And now," he whispered conspiratorially, "we wait".

No sooner had he said so, when a large white van pulled up to the school gates. The back doors opened, and a forearm emerged, holding a cone piled with huge dollops of ice cream, all different flavours. The forearm swayed a little, and soon, the treat attracted a line of small children. The children walked slowly, arms stretched in front of them, mouths open and drooling at the sight of such delicious ice cream.

"Villainy!" Cried Nite Owl from the ship in the clouds. "No child could resist such intoxicating methods of persuasion!"

Rorschach shook his head in despair.

Slowly, the children filed into the van, and the doors slammed shut, the van speeding off down the street.

"GO ARCHIE GO!" Yelled Nite Owl, slamming his fist on one of the owl-ships buttons. A spurt of fire propelled them forwards, throwing Rorschach backwards off his feet.

They followed the van until it reached an old warehouse, where a bulky man opened a door. He was carrying a bucket. The duo in the sky held binoculars to their masks, and saw that within the bucket where hundreds upon hundreds of jelly babies.

"Treachery…" hissed Nite Owl, as the man laid a trail of jelly babies from the van to the door of the warehouse. The van doors were swung open, and the children immediately climbed out, crawling along the floor and swallowing up the jelly babies, edging closer to the warehouse door.

"Unhygienic to eat from floor," stated Rorschach, setting the binoculars aside.

"Indeed, dear Rorschach," replied his friend. "I think it's time we put a stop to this monstrous plot".

Waiting until everyone was out of the van and the warehouse door had been closed, Nite Owl drove the Archie-mobile to the roof. He sprung from the door, sweeping his head from side to side, hands in front of him in classic karate style pose. Rorschach followed him, hands in pockets.

"Quick Rorschach," Nite Owl said hurriedly. "The children must be downstairs!" He bounded off to a door, waving at Rorschach to follow him.

Going downstairs, they found a small balcony in the shadows. Looking down at the warehouse's giant space, they saw all the children from the van settling down in front of a huge, tattooed man, who was holding a thick book.

"What is this fiendish plan?" whispered Nite Owl in bewilderment. They craned their necks to listen to the man.

"Once upon a time," began the man, "there was a little girl called Jennifer, and a little boy called Thomas. Jennifer and Thomas were very good, kind, caring children whose beloved mother and father were very poorly. One day, Thomas and Jennifer were going for a walk when they came across a kindhearted man. The man saw the sad children's faces and asked what was wrong. The children replied that their parents were ill. The man listened carefully, then reached inside his jacket pocket, finding a little bag of what looked like cooking herbs. He gave them to the children.

'Pour this in your mummy and daddy's soup, for these are magical herbs that will make your mummy and daddy very well and happy'.

The children did so, and suddenly, their parents were once again happy and played with the children all day long."

The man closed the book to see the children sobbing over the beauty and heartbreak of the story.

"Now children, I'm sure you would all like to help other mummies and daddies who are poorly. And it just so happens that we have a lot of these magic herbs to distribute around the city. Could any of you help us?"

All the children nodded eagerly, brainwashed by the deceitful story.

Nite Owl turned to Rorschach. "We must save them immediately! The children believe drugs are good!" Rorschach nodded sharply. He didn't show it like Nite Owl did, but he was just as angry. He quickly began planning a genius plan, when he was suddenly interrupted, as Nite Owl climbed onto the bars of the balcony, grabbing a chain from an old piece of machinery.

"Children!" he roared. "I am Nite Owl! Don't believe these heinous villain's lies! These are not magic herbs, but evil drugs!"

The children stared at the man dressed up as an owl in disbelief.

"Rats!" murmured Nite owl to Rorschach. "They must still be brainwashed by that despicable ice cream and that diabolical story!"

With that, Nite Owl leapt from the balcony, swinging from the chain and into the midst of the warehouse room. The children gaped at him and backed to the walls as Nite Owl pointed an accusing finger at the tattooed man.

"You Sir, should be ashamed," he said disapprovingly. "Tempting all these helpless children to this place in order to transport drugs!"

The tattooed man cowered in fear. "I didn't want to do this!" he cried, tears streaming down his face. "I always wanted to be a librarian! Big Figure told me he'd _buy _me a library if I helped him out this one time!"

Nite Owl frowned sternly at the man at his feet. Above him, Rorschach had quietly left the balcony and hunted down the other two henchmen. He dragged them by their collars to Nite Owl.

"Drugs?" he rasped at the man. The man raised a trembling finger to a pile of cuddly toys in the corner of the room. Rorschach strode over to them, tearing the head off a fluffy rabbit, revealing a few bags of the so-called 'magic herbs'. He growled and threw the toy back onto the pile, then returned to Nite Owl.

"Big Figure?" he rasped again. The man shrugged in terror. "He never told me! He said this was my job".

Nite Owl looked at the bulky man. "Y'know Rorschach, I think this guy deserves a second chance. Big Figure pressured him into this, when really, he should be free to make his own decisions."

Rorschach made a low "Hurm" noise.

"Right then, children!" Nite Owl exclaimed, taking Rorschach's strange noise as a 'yes'. "Let's all go home!"

The children rushed to Nite Owl happily, suddenly released from their strange hypnotism. Stopping only briefly so that Rorschach could set fire to all of the toys and drugs in the warehouse, the two heroes, the children, the tattooed man (whose name was Bernie, Nite Owl found), and the two henchmen all bundled into the Archie-mobile,

***

"Well, Nite Owl, Rorschach, thanks to you, the children of America once again understand the general nastiness of drugs, and learned an important lesson!" smiled the President.

"Set fire to toys?" Rorschach asked, bemused.

"Oh no," replied the President in confusion. "I meant of course that we should never talk to strangers!"

"Hurm".

"However, Big Figure is still out there somewhere. We need to be on our guard. But on a lighter note, now we have a new librarian to look after all the books in the White House," the President continued, gesturing to Bernie, who stood at his side wearing a pair of thick spectacles. "It's a good job we have you to count on!"

"Anytime, Mr President!" Beamed Nite Owl as he saluted, his perfect teeth almost blinding. "Now Rorschach, it's time to go home and have some nice nutritious beans!"

**THE END.**

**

* * *

I feel the need to explain the Tom Cruise joke. Tom Cruise wanted the part of Ozymandias in the film. Dumb joke. Don't care. Talk like Rorschach.**


End file.
